this is my best friend. she can lick her elbow. she’s really flexible and she’s really cool. you should try to sleep with her tonight.
"the fact that my parents didn’t opt for a very late-term abortion is a miracle…because my dad would have considered that murder."
"that’s true. most people have eaten corn on the cob at one point. it’s a universal poem of the ages."
rule 1: don’t put ice cream in your eye.
rule 2: don’t lay in the middle of the street.